depressed christian reasons why hope for living

I‘m living the dream. Living with my prince in a land of literal castles. Living inside of a postcard, who could believe I’m depressed?

I’m newly married. What will people think about my marriage? Will my single friends think I’m just ungrateful?

I’m a Christian. What if people ask uncomfortable questions like, “are you praying enough? Are you reading your Bible enough?”

You wouldn’t understand. Because I don’t understand it. So how could you?

Your problems are bigger than mine. Or someone’s are. So how dare I be so ungrateful?

But then I thought,

maybe for all these reasons, I’m the perfect case-study for depression. Maybe I’m the perfect example of why depression isn’t really about circumstances or wishing yourself to be better. I think depression, for all its darkness and struggles, reveals the complexity of being human. It reveals a part of us so deep, which even we ourselves cannot understand; and that part, is affected by literally everything. Our circumstances, our feelings, our personality, our background, our spirituality, our health, and our mental state. No one thing causes depression, unless you mean “living in a fallen world”.

So here’s the reasons why I am sharing I (have) struggle(ed) with depression.

depressed christian reasons why hope for living

We’re all homesick sometimes. I think my depression is partially stemming from literal homesickness and that’s part of expat life. But as C.S. Lewis indicated in his famous quote, there’s a part of us all which is longing for a home that is no where in this world we know. It hopefully leads us to a recognition of our need for God and that He is both our journey’s friend and our journey’s end.

Many people through out history lived with depression, but wrote the most encouraging words full of understanding and empathy for struggling humans. This leads me to think there is a way to embrace the darkness which will eventually lead to the light.

Maybe if one person is willing to be the Debbie-downer, other closet Debbies will feel safe to appear and be able to name their struggle out loud. I’m living in a country where suicide is an actual industry. That says to me, when we feel like we are alone in our struggle, nothing could be further from the truth.

I believe my relationship with God goes even deeper than human emotion and turmoil. He is my rock, my purpose, the love of my life. Those realities don’t mean my reactions to the darkness in this world or the darkness inside of me, aren’t also dark sometimes.

The struggle of finding one’s footing in a new marriage and place shouldn’t be glossed over. The beauty is, God sent me a human who regularly reminds me I am loved, even when I’m at my worst, and even when I don’t believe it. I wish everyone had that, but the reality is, not everyone does. So I’m here to say it. You are loved.

The list could go one, but soon grow to just words words, blurring on the page. So many words but I (you?) still feel the same inside. So when words fail us, music.

This randomly came to my playlist last night and it touched so many parts of me. It brought up memories of dancing as a carefree child in our living room. It reminded me of my parents. The music made me feel happy. The words reminded me how to react in a healthy way. It was no one thing, but maybe for at least a couple of those same reasons it’ll be a bright spot in your day. So in case you’re a Debbie, here’s some Amy.

photo credit : Viola S. You can buy my dress here (affiliate link). If this post encouraged you or you think it could encourage someone else, please share. One option is to pin the image below.

( This post is a a part of the Christian Marriage and Motherhood Linkup )
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25 Comments on "Reasons Why I Don’t Want to Tell You I’m Depressed"

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Sara L Lewis

I can personal relate and only just publicly shared my struggle last week. You are not alone!

Julie

Thanks for sharing your struggles! It takes courage to step out! God is using your pain to help others!
Visiting from #BHG

Casey

It’s tough. I understand. Been there. Good for you for speaking out and maybe encouraging someone else in the process.

Abby

I want to reach through this screen and squeeze you! What a beautifully written, biblically sound response to a very real struggle. Thank you for your courage and using your talents to put words to what so many feel.

Hannah
Hannah

I can definitely relate to homesickness leading to a depressed state of mind. When life is hard it is easier to fall into sadness.

C Nelson

I too have been here and fully understand where you are coming from. It’s a daily struggle to not be in that place. But you have to fight. Keeping you in prayer <3

Lynn

I so agree on all your points. Showing your struggles blesses others and allows others to open up. It’s only by bringing it into the light that the darkness no longer has a hold to keep our struggles in shame (where God never wants us to be).

Jenn Twilley

Thank you for saying this. You can’t “pray away” depression any more than you can diabetes. While Satan can surely oppress us, depression is different! And it looks different for every person!

Tyra

Thank you for opening and sharing! There was a point in. Y life when I was depressed, maybe i still am but haven’t dealt with it, Tom shared about it for some of the same reasons you have written on this post. So thankful that you had the courage to publicly share your struggle and be a light to some of us!

tiffany

Thank you for being so real here. I wrestle with this as well and find joy in sharing it on my blog… others need to know they are NOT ALONE!

Erica Life Purpose Coach

I can completely relate to this! My first year of marriage was the hardest of my life and I was completely depressed as well. I was living on the other side of the world from my family, pregnant (wedding baby!) and had just change careers. People thought I was living the dream, but I was miserable inside. Looking back now, it was one of the most raw times of my life, but I learned so much about myself and am in a beautiful place today! xx

Gretchen Fleming
Thank you Kay for putting words and feelings to what is so hard to understand, especially when one may not struggle with this condition. What seems so frustrating about depression is that even when you do struggle with it, it can be just as perplexing at times. In one way or another, don’t we all want a neat explanation for “why” , desiring that life make sense? I can relate to that. I’m so sorry this condition impacts you and so many others. I value your descriptions and explanations of why you may hold back revealing your thoughts and feelings… Read more »
Missy - Getting Fit to Find Myself

I really applaud you for sharing! The more people are open the less stigma there will be! I remember when I opened up about my depression and anxiety on my blog. I was amazed at the positive response it got. I was also amazed at all the private messages thanking me for sharing something others don’t talk about. By sharing your story you are helping someone else!!!

Debbie

Its brave of you to share something so personal on your blog I think writing your feelings and thoughts down is very therapeutic. Thanks for sharing this post and being encouraging to others.

elizabeth

Hi Kay, thank you so much for sharing 🙂 Another Debbie here 😉 I really relate to the list of reasons you gave about why we feel reluctant to share about depression. But your list of reasons why it’s good to share is awesome. I also live overseas – it adds a whole other dimension to feeling isolated and disconnected.

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